It’s sad how, when I think about it, CJ hasn’t fallen asleep in my arms since he was a baby. I still remember those nights when we first brought him home and even for months after, when I would sing to him and plead with him to please JUST FALL ASLEEP. Most nights I would cry, I was so tired. I would cry and sing and rock him and sometimes, magically, he would fall asleep as I held him. Each time it happened I would count it as a miracle.
So we did that again today. But I wasn’t crying, and I wasn’t rocking him. We were in his big recliner, reading stories before nap, and after I closed our book of fairy tales I told him how good he’d been at the doctor today, and how brave he was when the doctor had to swab the back of his throat, how it was amazing that he didn’t cry until after the doctor left and I wouldn’t let him eat the secret stash of marshmallows he found in my diaper bag.
CJ has Strep throat. I came home last night to Chris and CJ spooning on the couch, a rare position for them only because CJ’s not one to sit still for very long, definitely not long enough to spoon with someone. He said he was too tired to eat, and when I felt his head for a fever I marveled at how old the skin on my hand looked next to the young, porcelain skin of his face. Fever confirmed, I looked at his throat and saw redness and inflammation, and that telltale white pus they say to look out for with Strep.
As we arrived at the doctor today, I had mixed feelings. Part of me can’t stand to see my child sick and definitely hoped the fever was a one-off that meant nothing. But part of me almost wanted him to have Strep because (1) I’d have been right with my at-home diagnosis (and really, it’s all about me, isn’t it?) and (2) strep is TREATABLE. It’s not, “Well, this virus has been lasting anywhere from four to six weeks, and while we can’t recommend you give your child any cold medicine, try a teaspoonful of honey when his cough gets really bad,” which is what I heard at the doctor last month when I took CJ in. Instead, THERE’S A CURE: antibiotics! And not just antibiotics, the FIRST antibiotic, Penicillin!
So, CJ’s had approximately one teaspoonful of cherry flavored penicillin, half of which I had to force down his throat because the kid that, sick or not, asks for bubble-gum Tylenol and berry-flavored ibuprofen on a near-daily basis, somehow doesn’t like this. I tried explaining that there are some things in life that we don’t like but have to do anyway, especially if it’s for the good of others, which this is. Then I tried to talk about germs and not making other kids at his daycare sick and his eyes glazed over and he asked if we could go watch another episode of Max and Ruby.
For now he sleeps, and the part of me that hoped he had Strep also hopes he takes an extra-long nap. But the other part of me can’t believe that my tiny baby, the one I swaddled and rocked and sang to and cried on all those months ago, has his first bout of Strep throat and is taking his first round of antibiotics. This is one milestone I hoped we wouldn’t get to so soon.
