Hungry, angry, lonely, tired

Have you heard of the HALT theory? I’ve only read about it relation to child rearing, and in an effort to not research anything further than I have to (I have a paying gig for that, yo), I’m just going to share the gist of the article I read. Basically, if you’re kid is upset for some unexplained reason, maybe he’s crying uncontrollably over a dropped cookie when you know he has no problem eating food off the floor, you can apply the HALT theory to figure out what’s really wrong. To do this, ask yourself, could he be Hungry? Is he Angry? Is he Lonely? Or is he Tired?

The idea is that once kids are beyond the baby phase, when you can rule out a dirty diaper as a possible cause of alarm, you can try HALT. Sometimes when CJ’s 18th fall off the couch results in tears, I just need to pull him onto my lap for a little snuggle time and he’s fine. Sometimes he needs an extra snack, or an earlier bedtime. But find a solution to HALT, and all is right in your preschooler’s world again.

I think the HALT theory applies to adults too, and even more intensely to pregnant women. When I’m hungry I get snappy, and Chris can do nothing right until he puts food in my belly (when I’m hungry I’m also incapable of producing an acceptable snack for myself). When I’m tired I’m unreasonable and while not as mean as when I’m hungry, I know if I don’t get a nap in I’ll be crabby for the rest of the day.

Today after work I was home by myself for an hour watching Lifetime Television for Women (The Client List is, rather unfortunately, a new guilty pleasure of mine) before Chris walked in the door with CJ. And the second he did I pounced on him (well, yelled, from my perch on the couch). He wanted ham for dinner, fine, but why wasn’t he making it? (Remember, I’m incapable of cooking at this point.) Didn’t he realize how hungry I was? That he had a child to feed who was hungry too? I yammered on in a similar vein, yelling more at the TV than my bewildered husband, until Chris started the painstakingly slow process of fixing dinner (the au gratin potatoes were first MIA, then once found, took a whopping 24 minutes in the microwave to cook).

Yes, I was hungry tonight and yes, I was probably tired, and both of those things contributed to my anger. Maybe I was lonely. I find I like being alone these days but maybe deep down I missed my family. Whatever it was, I think my anger was a cry for help. I was lashing out at Chris because I couldn’t find the simple words to say, “I miss you, talk to me.” Or “I’m sad, talk to me.” That, and I really WAS hungry.

My theory is that applying the HALT theory for adults is a nice quick fix, but it usually means there’s something deeper going on, like there was for me tonight. So the next time your friend or wife flips out over the fact that you plugged the food processor into the wrong plug (see month seven of my last pregnancy) ignore the crazy and ask what’s wrong. Go one step further and ask what you can do to help. Make her tell you, because she won’t want to at first. And then do what you can to make it better.